we have Steve aka Ratters from
our very own Fan Forum
Cigar: Free Cuba
Wrapper: Connecticut shade (Dominican?)
Binder: Dominican
Filler: Dominican long filler
Vitola: Toro
Price: $1 if bought by the bundle. They actually make you take two bundles. Bastards.
Setting: Sun room, about 85 degrees out, 2pm, drinking a diet Sunkist that’s about to be replaced with a root beer.
Pre-light:
Well, the cigar is definitely shade grown, but with definite veins that are dark and give it a “varicose vein” appearance, and a wrap that you can see and is verging on loose. The cigar is firm and springy to the touch, well, if you find down pillows to be firm and springy. The foot give the appearance of a cigar that is going to draw VERY well. The cigar has a sweet smell to the wrapper, reminiscent of my Backwoods days. I was going to smell the foot but didn’t want to risk tobacco bits up the nostrils.
First third: The cigar clipped easily and I was rewarded with some tobacco confetti from the head. I felt so special. The cigar lit up easily with the Ronson, a lighter befitting the grand stature of this smoke. The promise of a free draw dutifly fulfilled, I was rewarded with a copious amount of smoke rich in the taste of…. well, bland tobacco. Not even the sweetness was present. Dry hay with some dry grass and hints of Sahara cause all I’m getting is DRY. It’s like the cigar sucked all the moisture out of my mouth. The cigar ash is a nice light gray, maintaining it’s integrity up to a full 1/4 inch. The loose draw does allow for a large amount of smoke to taste. I don’t think I ever wished for a plugged cigar before.
Second third: The blessing of a loose draw is that the cigar is burning rather quickly. I must say the burn is even, if a tad wavy. The body has definitely moved up into the mild range. Though I must admit that it is producing a lot of smoke. Thin, dry, smoke. The hay and grass flavors remain, with hints of crab grass and dandelion entering the picture. But you do get some nice bitterness in there too. Did I mention it was dry. As a bonus, each puff is rewarded with a fireworks display of ash off the end. Thoughtful of them to add the extra entertainment. The ash is holding to almost the 1/2 inch mark now, well, whats left after the fireworks.
Final third: As I enter the final third I thought I was going to pull a Jerry. Seriously. But I kept it together. The body is moving into the medium range actually. Wish it woulda stayed mild. The dryness is lessening but I think it’s because my salivary glands have gone into overdrive. The finish is sharp and unpleasant. It leaves a burning feeling in the back of your throat and roof of your mouth. OK, I just dry heaved twice at about the label and I think I’m gonna give up the ghost on this one. I was hoping to bring it to the nub, but can’t. Wow, how do people smoke these things.
Final thoughts:
Well, I thought this was gonna be a fun review of a relatively tasteless and mild cigar. Wow, was I wrong. How do people smoke this shit? It seriously was as bad as the Backwoods. Man, I wish my friend woulda given me a corona. I gotta ask him if he actually smokes this thing of if he was just messing with me. The blessing is that it does burn quickly. It normally takes me about two hours to get through a toro, I was down to the label on this in 45 minutes. I think I need to smoke a El Duque to get bad taste out of my mouth. If you actually spent the time to read the review do the opposite of what I’m about to write. ::Wink:: If not they get what’s coming to them. ::Grin:: BTW, the staff who did the reviews for this on CI should be shot.
Liked it: Loved it, go out and get one if you can.
Buy again: Sure, they’re a steal.
Recommend: To all my friends.
my face hurts from laughing. im gonna look into ordering the two bundle minimum immediately and send these out to all the people i dislike.
ive always wondered who writes some of those ci reviews. its almost as if they just write generic reviews, throw them in a hat and draw one out as necessary!
Hilarious…. well done!
If I get one of these in the Bombing madness that is happening in the forums, I’ll be pissed!!!
Quote:
“The cigar clipped easily and I was rewarded with some tobacco confetti from the head. I felt so special.”
At least we get a highly entertaining review out of this crappy cigar. 1 down, 49 to go 🙂
Best review. Ever.
I’m going to give A bundle to my brother in law for Christmas!He gave me the flu last Christmas!
Fan-freakin’-tastic review! I read this in the forums, and reading it again, I still busted a gut laughing. Keep up the good (well, dirty) work!
awesome review, you definitely need to review more cigars of this standard!
hahahah, great review. Reminds me of when I got suckered into buying 20 Double Happiness cigars from CI. The trick I think is Gonz will write up a review that is not “official”. More marketing hype. Especially on the cheap bulk cigars.
I’m convinced he enjoys smoking cheap, hot burning, loose filled cigars! So if those are in someones flavor profile. then buy stuff Gonz raves about hahahaha. But who knows, maybe if you age these cigars until Cuba is free, then they will mature and be excellent cigars. Or if not, maybe you’ll get lucky and a tobacco beetle break out will happen and they’ll die eating those cigars.
Thanks guys. Yeah, I thought it was going to be a silly review of a mild and harmless cigar. But I wasn’t joking about the dry heaves. My coworker gave me some cigars like this so I figured it would be fun to do some reviews of them and Brian posted up with similar thoughts so I thought what the hell. I think it’s gonna be awhile till I’m up for another one. 😀
BTW, I really hope that noone reads just the end and goes out and buys them, it was just a joke for the forum. 🙂
Ahh, nice! This will be my “go-to” revenge cigar….See mike kestels comments 🙂
Good/Funny review!
The label is nice though….are those bare tits I see! Funny!
wow… walt white just e-mailed me to notify me that i won august’s contest for the humi/ cigar combo.. i just wanted to say thank you very much.. this is totally cool. you guy’s rock… thanks again . kevin
That was so freakin’ funny. It reminds me of the time I smoked a Hamilton’s House. I had to eat a Sucrets to get the taste out of my mouth. Unfortunately, I couldn’t taste the Sucret.
Hmm… won a fiver of these on Cbid and have smoked 2 of them. Definitely loosely rolled, but I liked the easy draw. I guess taste is truly subjective, because I actually like the Free Cuba. It had a nice variety of flavors and it did go from mild to mild-medium during the smoke, but only got bitter in the last inch or so for me. Not sure if it’s inconsistency in the manufacturing, storage, or just differing taste, but I’m adding this stick to my regular rotation. For me, it’s an eventful morning smoke that goes well with my unsweetened coffee. Maybe I should write reviews for CI…
By the way, I hate all of you. Please send revenge sticks to me ASAP.
HAHAHAHAH, great post JimScar. If I ever get any of these, I’ll keep your humi full up!!! I wish I had some Double Happiness to send to you but I gave the 6 left over of the 20 pack I bought to him.
I’ll smoke all cigars, but I have to admit, there are some that I enjoyed less then others. But I agree with you, so much is a matter of taste. I’m finding lately I’m into Med-Full body cigars so when i get a Mild cigar, I get a bit fussy. The taste I don’t enjoy is the Connecticut creaminess. Tastes like butter to me. Just not something I enjoy. But if they have mild pepper or wood flavors, now we are talking.
My problem with a loose rolled cigar is mostly one of caution. That being they can get hot as they burn fast and torch my mouth. I’ve had that with some of the freebie Thomson cigars they throw in with a humidor.
As far as bitter goes, well, I drink straight espresso so I’m not sure I’m much of an expert on bitterness. I like some level of bitterness which is contrary to what most cigar smokers would say hah! I even enjoy some mild tanic tang in cigars. Yowza, watch the fur fly on Cigar Aficionado’s now. But I hate VSG cigars. Those are intensely bitter overpriced caustic bombs that people love. C’est la vie.
here’s CI’s marketing description:
Today the Free Cuba brand is better than ever.
(Could actually be true…)
Free Cuba is quite simply a winner.
(In the ‘how-soon-can-you-dry-heave’ contest)
The proof is in the pudding.
(And the confetti and fireworks in the cigar?)
Señor Blanco insists on superior wrappers and fillers, regularly rejecting what other manufacturers would be content to call firsts.
(Except when it comes to these bad boys… anything goes here!)
The medium-bodied concoction yields a mellow and pleasant yet eventful cigar that teems with flavor.
(I have a hard time explaining away “pleasant” but eventful seems spot on!)
As I’m smoking one and reading your review you are hitting every nail on the head…. I’m right before the wrapper and am now dropping it in my ashtray.
P.s. your review was great. Hillarious! Look forward to more of your articles.
I decided to look at reviews on this cigar as I smoke the last one in the first bundle.I decided to blindly try CI’s two bundle special without looking at a review. Oh well. The review is pretty much on target for what I’m experiencing but then it’s not a $10 cigar so I wasn’t really expecting greatness. I haven’t experienced the fireworks on light-up but I have found only a few in the first bundle that gave an even burn. When I do get a fairly decent burn I get a nice long ash.
I had a 20 year old Free Cuba in the bottom of my humidor. Smoked it today just to get rid of it, your 2008 review was exactly what hell I went through. Dry hay, a short ash that spit red embers, I was so happy it burnt fast so the agony was over