It’s been an interesting week, one full of lovers, haters, blog pirates and mad cigar bombers. After running many, many data points through a 70’s style, room-sized computer in the Stogie Review command center, I’ve determined that’s it’s been just interesting enough for a Saturday Edicion Limitada.
The Edicion Limitada is much like any other post I put up on a Saturday: informative, entertaining, and over-seasoned with comic nonsense and carefully selected lies. What makes it a “Limitada” is that we cleverly limit production to keep the price as high as possible. (Actually, I write it really late in the day after the hang over wears off. Either way, it spends a shorter-than-usual amount of time at the top of the page.)
But enough discussion of the many good points of the Edicion Limitada, let’s get to the stories.
Brian Goes Incredible Hulk on Blog Pirate
In a story that Played out over Twitter this week, a scurvy blog pirate was discovered in the act of looting the cigar reviews and news from a number of cigar blogs including Cigar Jack, Cigar Beat, and worst of all, Stogie Review!
Witnesses say that when Brian read his review of the Encyclopedia of Post-Revolution Havana Cigars reproduced in full on a strange blog, with no credit whatsoever, something happened. His shirt began to rip and his already tight pants began to split. His skin turned from deathly white to green.
What happened next isn’t entirely clear. The witnesses of the Brian’s transformation were knocked cold by the sudden increase of pungent body odor. But what is known is that the dastardly pirates blog was heavily damaged by a tremendous assault of incredibly long and unfriendly comments. A couple of examples of these comments include promises of litigation and the entire Wikipedia entry for plagiarism.
Brian, or more accurately, the giant, smelly, green beast identified as Brian could not be reached for comment.
Stogie Review Crew In Shock After Devastating Cigar Bombs
Sensing that the cast of the Stogie Review were both lazy and distracted, another rogue, the villainous Cap’n Pfff, seized the opportunity to eliminate the crew once and for all with three, carefully prepared bunker-buster cigar bombs. The launch of three missiles from Cap’n Pfff’s secret underground lair went undetected by the U.S. military’s defense systems until they began detonating earlier last week.
Jerry Cruz, co-founder of Stogie Review, and well-respected goatee wearer, is still missing as of this writing. Having heard of the strike on Jerry, Walt White was able to use his grade school duck-and-cover training to survive the blast unscathed. Unverified reports claim Brian punched the bomb out of the air with his giant green fists, before eating a Land Rover.
Oliva Serie V Dethroned By Rocky Patel Decade!
After an exclusive cage match in the basement of the Cigar Aficionado headquarters building, the Rocky Patel Decade emerged with a 95 rating and the title of Highly Rated Cigar You’re Never Gonna Be Able To Find.
“It was a close fight, and the better cigar won in the end,” said Nigel Prettybum, who watched the epic battle between cigars.
“I’m very pleased with the result,” commented Bentley Rolex, another witness of the epic battle. “Not being able to find Serie V’s in your B&M is so passé. So 2007.”
For more details, see the latest edition of Cigar Aficionado. For the vacant spot that used to hold RP Decade cigars, see your local B&M.
Calling on Generous Cigar Smokers
On a more serious note, I wanted to point out that Matt of Matt’s Cigar Journal is participating in “The Ride for Kids”, which is an event to raise money to support the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation. His goal is to raise $3000 and he’s falling a little short and he need some help making it. And there might be some cigars in it for you if you do!
Some generous cigar merchants and manufacturers have donated 4 boxes of excellent cigars (Fuente Opus X, Hoyo de Monterey, Perdomo and Camacho), to be raffled off to the people who donate by April 25th. All it takes is $10 and you have a chance to win. And hey, you help support the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation! Win-win!
For all the rules and details for donating, check out Matt’s post: Support a Great Cause and Win a Box of Opus X.